i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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