That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
