Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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