Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
