Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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