He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
