Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
