oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
