i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
