this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
