the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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