so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
