Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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