if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
