I met the friendliest cop last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
