the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
