It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she peed on how many people?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
