Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
