I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
