Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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