My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
