i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
