tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
