they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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