god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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