the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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