sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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