areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
