He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
