Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
