There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
