nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
