Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
