I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
