he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
