so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
