I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
