i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
