it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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