in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
