I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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