You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
