thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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