I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
