she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
