I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
