i think i have two assholes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
