Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
