i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
