Kiss
Puke
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
