I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
